I have a confession; I am already scared of what will happen if this IUI fails. I am scared of what it will mean for our family and the possibility of me ever conceiving again. I am scared we won't have the money in order to do IVF. I am scared of how I will make it emotionally and it's potential to break me if I am not pregnant. I'm scared.
I hate that I feel scared and that I'm worrying. I hate that I'm not fully trusting God and His timing. I realize that my way of thinking is finite and He is infinite. God can see beyond what I can possibly imagine. But still, I am scared.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Isaiah 41:10
Thanks for sharing your feelings. I can totally relate. We have our 1st appointment with the RE to discuss IVF after 4 failed IUIs. I too fear what if the IVF fails, how much this one round is costing us, what it means if it does not work, etc. I too have a hard time trusting God and his timing. What is my IVF is not trusting God and trying to do my own thing? I thought the same when we did our IUIs.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why He lets me walk in this unwanted path. I fear my will is not His will. Yet we have to trust.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts.