Monday, June 21, 2010

With a Grateful Heart

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way that God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." (Thessalonians 5:16-18 - The Message)

As a parent, helping your child to develop a grateful heart is a challenge. It's more than just getting them to say thank you after they receive a gift. I'm talking about a heart that is thankful in all circumstances, no matter what they have or what they don't have.

Of course, this is one of those lessons that is best learned by example. So if I want to teach Mason to be grateful, I need to search my own heart to see if I am being thankful in all circumstances, no matter what I have or don't have. Ouch! Talk about a heart-check! How many times in a day do I think to myself, "Gee, I wish I had that instead of what I have." How often do I compare what I have to someone else? How often do I covet someone else's situation or relationship or things? The short answer: too often.

Mason's getting to the age where he understands that items have a monetary value. He sees Bob and I pay for things and he recognizes that when I give someone cash or use my debit card, I can walk out of the store with what's in my cart. But how do I get him to understand that what we have is not who we are?

Everything in our home and in the life of our family begins with God. It's God's home. It's God's car. It's God's money. And when we talk about how everything we have is God's, we also make sure that Mason knows that we don't deserve anything that we have; everything is a gift. Everything we have is a gift from God. We also need him to know (while we're constantly reminding ourselves) that we need to be grateful for every gift that God has given us. Because as quickly as He can bless us, just as quickly it can be gone. But if we place our worth in Jesus and not stuff or to what happens to us, we won't be let down and it can never be taken away from us.

I'm always shocked at how people actually attach their self-worth to things or to circumstances. A home. A car. A job. Health. Or even a person. I'm not saying that these things aren't important at all or that we're selfish to care about them. We're actually commanded to be good stewards of the gifts that God gives us. But I am saying that putting all of our trust in these things will fail us every time. Because what happens when one or more of them fails? What if we lose a job and then we lose our home? What if a child dies or a spouse gets sick? If we've put everything in those people or circumstances or things and it all falls apart? Then what?

And then in turn, what are we teaching our children if we show them that things or circumstances are all that matter? When we put the ultimate value on stuff, we are teaching our children that when they receive things, then they are loved. When they get gifts, then they are valued. And if we tell them what it costs or the monetary value of the gift, then we are attaching a price to their self-worth. What a sad, irresponsible lesson I would be teaching Mason if I did this. I can't even begin to imagine the joy I'd be stealing from him if I taught him that there was a price-tag attached to his self-worth.

I love that Mason thinks it's a big deal to get a quarter for the bubble-gum machine at the mall. I love that a $20 bill is like hitting the mother-load. It's my job to continue to teach him to be grateful in all things. It's my responsibility to be continually thankful to God for the countless ways that He's blessed, and continues to bless, our family. It's then our job to bless other's back.

In order for Mason to learn to be grateful, he not only needs to see that Bob and I are living grateful lives, but that we are blessing others with the blessings of God. I think that's actually the key to this lesson. Mason needs to know that momma and daddy tithe. He needs to understand that we give each month to our precious African son and brother, Darius, through World Vision. Mason needs to know that his parents volunteer on a regular basis to ministry opportunities. Mason needs to see thanksgiving and love in action.

Now before you think you see a halo around our family, let me stop you right there. We are so far from hitting the mark on a regular basis. We strive and fail. But we keep striving and rely on the love and hope  of Jesus to keep us going. It's a process, and I'm so "grateful" for God's grace.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Six Words

I think it's safe to say that I've identified six of the toughest words to say in the english language - "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

But why exactly is it so hard? We all know that we're not perfect and that we do make mistakes. Even still, it's not in our nature to apologize or even to want to accept an apology. It's hard to say that we're wrong. It's easier to blame. It's easier to make excuses or give reasons. We don't want to be accountable.

But why? The simple answer: sin. Yep, that's a hard one to swallow. But here's the truth: we all sin. Sin is part of our DNA.

"the Lord God asked. "Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?"
The man replied, "It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it."
The the Lord God asked the woman, "What have you done?"
"The serpent deceived me," she replied. "That's why I ate it.""
(Genesis 3:23-24 - NLT)

Of course, this is what people refer to as the "original" sin. But nothing has changed. It's almost laughable to imagine Adam and Eve arguing with God, pointing fingers and taking absolutely no responsibility for their actions. But regardless of their actions, there were adverse consequences. And to this day, there are still consequences for our actions.

But where does forgiveness play into all of this? When we've offended someone else, then we in turn have sinned. The only way to right this wrong is to ask for forgiveness. And not in a way that it allows us to simply check it off your list of things to do. No, I'm talking true, heartfelt remorse for what we've done.

In the last week alone, I've had to ask for forgiveness in a few circumstances that were tough. I mean, I messed up BIG TIME. And these weren't issues where I had faulted someone in the last day or week or even in the last month. Nope, we're talking more than six months ago I had offended someone's heart and it took me that long to ask for forgiveness. Pretty bad, huh? And the tricky aspect about forgiveness is that even though I may ask for someone's forgiveness, it doesn't mean that I'll actually be forgiven. But I'm so grateful that that part doesn't matter quite so much. Of course, if reconciliation is what you seek, then it is important for that other person be willing to forgive in order to move forward. But what if you ask and they won't forgive you? You're job is done. If you've asked with a pure, genuine heart and they still say no, you can't control whether they forgive and you can let go of it. Because as much as we'd love to hear, "Yes, I forgive you," it's not necessary to move forward. After all, when you ask for forgiveness, it's for you as much as it is for the person you've offended.

I love the saying, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." That gives me such a poignant image of not forgiving. It's poison to our bodies. It's toxic. Unforgiveness is as much a sin as is not asking for forgiveness. Talk about a lose/lose situation.

The moral of this story is that regardless of how bad I mess up, I know one who will always forgive me and his name is Jesus. No matter how bad I mess up, I know that I'm forgiven. That's a beautiful promise.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Living the life we were meant to live

I was catching up with a friend yesterday and she began to share about how she and her family were still commuting quite a distance to be a part of a new ministry and church plant. They had thought that they would have moved by now and lived closer to the new church, but due to life circumstances, a year had passed and they were still here and not there. Now this woman is very Godly and I know that both she and her husband completely trust in God's timing and provision for their family, but it really got me thinking about how much I find myself planning for an unknown future and not always living the life that God has for me now.

We all plan for the future. We put money away for retirement. We plan a vacation for next year. After all, planning is a biblical principal, so I'm not saying it's bad to plan. What I'm more concerned about is what we may be missing out on today because we're so focused on tomorrow. Yearning for what is to come, especially when we know that there are no guarantees, can lead to discontent of what we have now.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:13-14 NIV)


I am so guilty of this. A lot of it has stemmed from the fact that I've been a SAHM for five years now. I've loved every minute of it, but there have been times when I have felt guilty for not working outside the home. Feeling like I'm not contributing to our family financially. Being discontent with my present circumstance and as a result, not fully allowing myself to enjoy what I'm doing right now. 

And then it was planning to grow our family. Obviously God had much different plans than we did. I still can't help of what my life would be like now if I had both my sons here with me. I had planned for a future that did not happen. And then we never could have planned for infertility. What we thought would be a few months to conceive again has turned into almost two years of negative pregnancy tests, failed treatments and disappointment. When women are TTC, they can't help but to think If I get pregnant this month, than I'll have a baby this month. Once again, there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not making you miss out on what's happening now. Because I can vouch for the fact that there are no guarantees about what the future will hold. But I'm confident in knowing that this time has not been wasted.  


Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." (NIV) I've definitely learned in my own life that there are seasons. Just because I'm doing something now does not mean that I will do it forever. But I do need to learn to love and embrace the season that I'm in, not always hoping for something different or new, or what I perceive to be better. I need to be content with each season that God has given me.

If I'd had it my way, I would not have been so open about going through a stillbirth or sharing the pain of infertility. I would have been more private. But I don't believe that we're meant to keep everything to ourselves. I felt very strongly that the Lord needed me to share my own struggles in order to connect and bring hope to others. It's not an easy thing to do. To put yourself out there. To be vulnerable. But in a strange way, being more open creates a deeper intimacy with God and with those around you. This is the season that God has given me. He's not expecting me to find a way out. He's asking that I accept where I am and learn what he needs me to learn in order to move on to my next season. He's asking that I rely on His timing instead of demanding mine. He's asking me to trust.

And seasons can be tough. No, they can be down right devastating. Some seasons can feel as though you'll never make it through. Sometimes it's all you can do to think beyond that season or you wonder if you'll even survive. But I believe that those are the ones that we should remember the most. The toughest seasons are the ones that help us to appreciate the good ones. The hardest seasons reveal God in such a way that we can't help but to be in awe of who He is. And even in the tough seasons, God will bring us joy. Because when we rely on Him for joy and not upon our circumstances, He will never let us down.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Vacation Crasher

We got away this week for a few days to the beach and AF crashed, showing up on our first night. Beautiful. So I'm back on the crazy pills (for a month this time) and going right into my next IVF cycle, a "flare" protocol this time. I'll go in for another IVF class within the next few weeks so I can get my new med. schedule and get a timeline for ER and ET (which, of course I know means nothing because anything can change). The bummer is that based on my timeline, I could be looking at ER and ET around the same time that Mason begins Kindergarten in July. But I can't stress about it now and we'll deal with it when we get there.

Overall, I think I'm doing pretty well this time. I knew. I knew that this was not my month. I was hopeful, but I know my body well enough that by 8DPO, it wasn't going to happen this time. I still remain hopeful, though. I'm so lucky that I have the option of going into another IVF cycle. I'm also trusting God's timing. That's a hard thing to do.

I've surmised that there are things that I will never fully understand in this life, my infertility being one of them. I keep asking God the "why's," and that's okay. But the fact is that we don't always have an answer. And then, sometimes we do, and we still don't understand. Like when the answer is no. Or, not right now. It may seem like a simple, pure enough request, that is, to have another baby. But I can't see everything from my vantage point; but God can. I'm trusting that as good of a life that I can imagine for myself, He wants something beyond what I can even fathom. Something so good and so right that my dreams don't even compare.

The silver lining of it all is that despite AF showing up uninvited, we had a beautiful time at the beach. Mason loves the beach. He's my beach beach baby, spending the first 18 months of his life there when we lived in FL. We had some great family time and got recharged for what lies ahead. Even though our everyday life is full of making memories, it's important to pause and enjoy a few days of exclusive family time. Life is good.