Can I just start by saying, "I'm tired." I am completely and utterly drained from this weekend. I am physically, emotionally, mentally pushed to the limits right now. I'm tired.
It is very likely that my IVF cycle will be cancelled. I had my appt. yesterday to find that I'd maybe have 4-6 eggs for retrieval - my bodies just not responding the way they thought it would. For whatever reason, this cycle is just "off". I go back in tomorrow morning for another US and to make the final decision with my doctor. If we cancel, we'll most likely convert this cycle into an IUI and try for another IVF cycle next month. Will this ever end?
The good thing about knowing now is that other than purchasing more meds (which, is still expensive), this is the time to cancel if there ever was a time. We're still before ER, which is a good thing in terms of $$ and even more as far as emotional and physical investment. I don't want to cancel, but this is a good time.
I left the office yesterday and I should have been really disappointed or upset. But instead, I was completely at peace. I know that God was saying, "It's okay. I've got this covered. I'm still in control." And my response? "Okay, Lord."
Even when things are so hard to understand, I still believe in God's sovereignty. He is in control.
I've thought of you often this weekend. Praying for your continued strength and grace over the next few days.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry, Katie. I remember my first cycle with meds, and absolutely nothing happened. It was over before it began, and I was so afraid that nothing would ever work. Sometimes its all a matter of finding the right meds and tweeking, and its so scary when it doesn't go as planned. I'll be praying for you...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Katy, but I'm so glad that you are able to find peace in knowing that this is all part of God's plan. Get some rest and hang in there. I can't wait to see what He has in store for you... I'm sure it is wonderful! Continued prayers for you...
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