Cancelled

We've officially cancelled this IVF cycle. I went in this morning knowing that this is what we were going to do, but I'm still sad and I feel defeated. I feel like once again, my own body has let me down. I'm tired and emotionally pushed to my limits right now. I never thought it would be this hard to conceive again. Why does it have to be so hard?

We're not even moving forward with the IUI. There's just not enough decent sized eggs to waste the $$. I wish I knew what went wrong. I did everything right. I did all my injections just like I was supposed to at just the right times. I dutifully went to all my monitoring appointments. I had all my blood draws (even though now I'm closely resembling a pin cushion - they even tapped into my hand today because of my small veins.) It just didn't work.

So what now? I wait again. I'll talk to my doctor when my estrogen comes back this afternoon and we'll talk about the next plan. I'm scheduled for another US on Wednesday, but I'm thinking that I'll just cancel it. Why bother? We'll do timed intercourse (that invariably won't matter) and then I'll wait for AF just to begin this crazy cycle all over again. More crazy pills. More injections. More US's and blood draws. More anticipation of the unknown.

Sometimes I wonder how much more I can really take of it all.