This was the question that my precious Mason posed to me yesterday. Just the thought of this question brings me pain.
We were writing a letter and putting together a package for our sweet little guy Darius in Uganda that we sponsor though World Vision. We call him Mason's "African brother" and Mason loves the sound of that! But then of course, it brings up all the usual questions from Mason.
"Why can't I go see Darius?"
"Why can't Darius come play at my house?"
"Momma, where's MY brother?"
Mason was only a little over three when Robert died. He knew that momma had a baby in her belly and asked about Robert after he was gone, but he soon forgot and didn't ask specifically about Robert again. But he still asks about having a brother in general. Sometimes it creeps up when I least expect it and leaves me sad for our family and for Mason. This is one of the heartaches of secondary infertility. I not only have strangers ask me when I'll give Mason a sibling, but my own child is aware enough to ask for one himself. How do I explain to my four-year-old son that mommy has infertility? That I'm trying so hard to give him a brother or sister, but that my body is broken?
There are no words, but there are tears. And when he asks me why I'm crying, I can only reassure him of how much I love him.
Children are so innocent in their questions. The most important thing is that Mason knows he is loved.
ReplyDeleteMy niece sometimes still ask me what happened to my baby (from my first IVF). It is hard to explain to them about infertility. She has seen my hubby give me shots and I think she thinks that's how babies are made.
Primary infertility has some of the hurt... Friends, family, and even strangers unknowingly ask when you're going to have a baby. I even had a few kids -- around Mason's age -- ask why we didn't have kids too. (I think he wanted another kid to play with.) It sent me to the bathroom in tears I don't know how many times.
ReplyDeleteLike the other commenter said... Mason knows that he is loved and that is the most important thing. Someday you may have the opportunity to explain more to him.
Rachel was 3 when we lost Sarah at 20 weeks. This was Nov 2008. She still asks about her from time to time. I just try to explain that Sarah was really sick and now she's in heaven with Jesus. I try to not sugar coat things, but also try to be honest in my answers. I don't want her to forget that she did have a little sister.
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