Today I had my first appointment with a therapist. I feel that it went very well and I'm so glad that I finally took this important step. I think part of what made it so real and productive with the very first session is that I already have a personal relationship with my therapist from church. It took a lot of the anxiety away knowing that she already knows "about" a lot of my struggles and has been praying and supporting me through them over the last year. Of course, this gave me an opportunity to really delve into what I'm feeling and it was so nice to have an outlet where I felt safe, as well as some really great insight from someone other than Bob or a girlfriend. And as great as it was, it was also mentally and emotionally exhausting. Not to mention how you can feel pretty spent after a good cry, which I did for much of my session.
We'll be starting off by focusing a lot on helping me to grieve Robert's loss. When I had a chance to think about it, I really haven't fully grieved losing him. We went from his death to TTC again a few months later and much of the grieving was replaced with TTC and then, secondary infertility. But there's so much still there that I haven't dealt with, even with it being almost 18 months later.
I'm ready to take the next steps to feel healthy again, but I know that it's not going to be easy.
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