Enough with the comparing, already

It's hard enough when your ttc and not getting preggers month after month. But what's worse is when people try to compare you with everyone else. "Your ONLY on month six of trying. It took my friend over a year to get pregnant." And of course, that must be horrible to go through, but everyone is on their own journey with ttc and comparisons usually don't go over well. 

When you're on month six of ttc after a miscarriage and a stillbirth, the wait is torture. You can't help but start to wonder if there is something really wrong. It's not uncommon for women to have fertility issues on a second or third pregnancy; could this be happening to me? My gut (or, my ovaries :-) is telling me that something is just not right. We shall see.

So yes, AF did rear her ugly head yesterday morning and so it's another month of ttc. When I do finally get my period, it's this strange dichotomy of sadness and relief. Sad that it's another month of not getting pregnant; relieved to be over the torture of waiting to see if I am pregnant. It's like this pretty much every month. It can really be emotionally draining. But then you just gear up for another month of OPK's and charting and timing sex. It's like a second job. This month I'm adding in Pre-seed to the mix. It's supposed to help with the conception process and I'm willing to try just about anything at this point. Between that and using the Answer OPK again, I feel like I'm doing all I can.

This will be our last month of trying until we head in to see my Dr. It will most likely mean a fertility specialist and both Bob and I evaluated, which will be a first for us. We did go through genetic testing and evaluation, but any additional testing (through autopsy) was done on Robert and my placenta after I delivered. And of course, everything came back fine. But this time around it's different. It's looking at our ability to conceive. I'm not quite sure what to expect. I'm a little nervous. I know that God is teaching me something through all of this.