One Minute Sermon

I'm loving this One Minute Sermon by Tamara Lowe! What's even funnier is that this was taped at my old home church, Christ Fellowship, in Palm Beach Gardens, FL!

Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It

I think it's fair to say that my new favorite, two-word catch phrase is "radical obedience." Or maybe my life phrase? Or better yet, my God phrase. But what exactly does radical obedience mean? Sounds a little scary, a little "radical"?

In her book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, author Lysa Terkeurst describes radical obedience as this - "Obedience becomes radical when we say, "Yes, God, whatever You want," and mean it. We release our grip on all we love and offer it back to Him, who loves us more. And it is into these upturned hands that God will pour out His blessings- His abundant, unexpected, radical blessings. Soon, saying yes to God will no longer be a discipline of your heart but rather the delight of your life." (Terkeurst, 53) Can I get an Amen! Wow! Can you even begin to imagine what a life of radical obedience looks like? Can you begin to get a glimpse of all that Christ wants for us when we simply admit that it's all His? Everything! Our  spouse, our kids, our time, our resources, our money, the big decisions, the small decisions, the mundane. Everything!

And while the very idea of radical obedience may seem foreign to so many, it should not be to followers of Jesus. When we chose to die to self and follow Him, our decision included surrender. And now from the love we have for all that He has done for us, the natural, overflow response of our hearts should be radical obedience. It should be.

But what keeps us from true surrender and radical obedience? You name it: selfishness, pride, control, bitterness, self-righteousness, etc. And the list goes on. The bottom line for all of us is sin. Uh-oh! There she goes using that sin word again. And while I realize that that word makes many people uncomfortable, that's the only word for it. We are sinners. But do you know the good news? The incredible awesome news that changes hearts and lives? Jesus! Through Him and Him alone, I can be radically obedient. After all, radical obedience has nothing at all to do with me and everything to do with Him.

Radical Obedience is not for the faint of heart. Saying "Yes" to God in everything and in all situations will promise to take you to a new level with God; a level where you've never been before. He'll stretch you. He'll challenge you. He'll ask you to do things that are contrary to your humanness and sinful nature. Are you ready? This is most likely where He'll lose many people. And for a long time, this is where He lost me.

I'm a Christ-follower. I believe that Jesus is who He says He is. I'm a member of Journey Church. I serve. I tithe. I strive to live a life pleasing to God. But when it came down to it, I still wasn't in complete surrender in all things at all times. I still wanted control. As they say, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. And during this process, God has been working on me in ways that I never could have fathomed.

Canceling IVF was only the beginning. God's challenging Bob and I with how we spend our money. He's challenging us with how we spend our time. He's challenging us with our families and friendships and neighbors. He's challenging us to have an eternal perspective and vision.

"Our life will follow where we choose to focus our vision. If we are serious about radical obedience, about having having a vision that's God inspired, then we must keep our focus on Christ. When Christ speaks, me must listen. When He compels us to give, we must do so freely. When He reminds us to get past trivial matters, we must let our pride fall away. When He invites us to leave the world behind, we must follow Him." (Terkeurst, 119-120)

Are you willing to take on God's vision? Are you willing to say "Yes" to God?

IVF: A privilege or a right?

I thought many of you may be interested in a Newsweek article out last week, Should IVF Be Affordable for All? Although I'm not a fan of Newsweek AT ALL, I do think that this article poses some very interesting questions and concerns that many of us in the Infertility Community have been contemplating for years.


So after reading this article this morning, it definitely got my blood boiling. This paragraph in particular did it for me:


"David Fleming, director of the Center for Health Ethics at the University of Missouri, says the main concern with making fertilization affordable for more people is the risk of “commoditization” of babies. “The more you have access, the more people will do it,” says Fleming. “The concern is that we are placing these little humans in danger,” he says. “IVF, with all due respect—is it a question of need or a question of want?”" (Skoch, Iva; http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/20/should-ivf-be-affordable-for-all.html)


Is is a question of want or need? Are you kidding me? Is he actually implying that I'm making a choice to have children like I would if I were deciding on a new pair of boobs? And I'm sorry buddy, but it's the  Doctors, NOT the patients, that have turned the idea of having babies into a commodity and business by charging astronomical amounts of money for IVF or other fertility treatments. 


So, what are your thoughts on this article on this lovely Monday morning?

One of those weeks

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

I admit that it's been a tough week for me. I'm just not myself. I've cried a lot more in the last week than I have in months. I think that one of the unfortunate downsides of always being the encourager is that people have the misconception that you always have it together, which I clearly don't.

I'm really missing Robert right now. August is creeping up on me and it's amazing to me how quickly all those memories and the pain come crashing down on you when you least expect it. Maybe it's that AF reared her ugly head and I've been a raging lunatic. Maybe I'm still emotional that Mason has started Kindergarten. Or maybe I'm just a heartbroken momma who misses her son.

Waiting Room

There's no denying that God uses music to speak my heart. I was driving yesterday when I heard Waiting Room by Jonny Diaz and I knew instantly that God is continuing to confirm our decision to voluntarily cancel IVF and to trust in His plan for our family.


Waiting Room (lyrics)

Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I’m convinced that a yes would be best
This time You’re telling me no

It’s not that I don’t have an answer
It’s just not the one that I’d like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You’re always wiser than I

You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand

When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same

I'm an ICLW Virgin!

This is my first month participating in ICLW, so if you haven't been to my blog before, welcome!

Here's a little background on me and our infertility journey:

I'm Katy and I've been married for almost 9 years to the love of my life, Bobby. Bob and I met at work and started a secret, office romance in July, 2000. We were married a year later in October, 2001. We focused on life as a newly married couple, buying our first home, etc. We waited three years to begin TTC. In September, 2004, after only two cycles of TTC, we conceived twins on our own. Unfortunately, I m/c one baby at eight weeks and was expected to lose both. But after a week of bed rest and an U/S, there was our sweet son, Mason. Mason was born in May, 2005.

Over the next few years, we had a lot of transition. I lost my dad just 6 months after Mason was born. Bob changed jobs and we moved from FL to NC. We went back and forth about when we'd start TTC again for another child. In March, 2008, I had my Mirena removed and it was estimated that we had conceived again within only a week. Sadly, I delivered our second son, Robert, still at almost 20 weeks. We had extensive genetic testing done, as well as autopsy of Robert and the placenta. My son was perfect. It was a fluke. They never were able to give us a definitive answer about why our son had died.

Even with the grief of losing our son still heavy on our hearts, we began TTC again just 8 weeks after Robert had died. At the sixth month mark, we were advised by my OB to come in and talk about possible intervention. I began on Clomid, even though I was O'ing on my own. After a few months of Clomid, I moved on the Femara. Next came the HSG; free and clear. Finally, there was nothing left that my OB could do and I was referred for the first time to a RE.

Between the time of the referral and getting an appt. with a RE, Bob's job was part of a buy-out and he would now be employed by a new company. We learned then that our insurance had gone from $20,000 in fertility diagnosis and treatment with his old company to no fertility coverage with his new company. We were devastated.

I first saw Dr. Meyer at Carolina Conceptions in November, 09 and it was then that I was formally diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. Basically, I can't get pregnant and they can't tell me why. I did my first IUI with injectables in December, 09; BFN. We were advised to go directly to IVF.

We took some time to regroup and to figure out how to pay for IVF. In March, 2010, we officially began to move forward with IVF. Unfortunately, my IVF cycle was cancelled and converted to another IUI, due to poor ovarian response. Also another BFN.

We went right into another cycle, a flare cycle this time. I was on BCP's for an entire month. Just as we were to begin my new cycle of Stims, God was confirming for us that IVF is not what He had planned for us. After a lot of prayers and tears, we voluntarily cancelled our IVF cycle. That was three weeks ago.

So now, we patiently wait for what's next for our family. I'm letting God be God, and being obedient to what He wants to do. We're keeping our hearts and minds open and excited to see where He wants to take our family.

For a more extensive timeline of tests, procedures, etc., please feel free to check out My Fertility Journey So Far.

If you've gotten to this point, perhaps you may even leave a comment ;-)

In the Name of Concern?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23 (NIV)


We recently had an incident in our neighborhood where a residents home was raided on charges of child pornography. This is the home with four children under the age of ten, so needless to say, we've all as neighbors been quite concerned. As to be expected, word has spread like fire from neighbor to neighbor like a game of Telephone. You can't seem to escape the constant chatter.

While talking to a close friend and neighbor about the incident, her words were striking to me. While she also had the same concerns that everyone has right now, she flatly stated that what we're really doing is gossiping. Ouch! How convicting and how true!

So that got me wondering, "How many times have I disguised gossip in the name of concern?" 


Unfortunately, I believe that Christians are some of the worst offenders when it comes to this topic. What seems like harmless talk of a sister in need can quickly spiral into full-on gossip. In all fairness, I don't think (in most instances, that is) that we set out to gossip. But if we're not careful to guard our hearts, how rapidly an otherwise benign conversation can turn into our own sin.

So how do we keep our hearts in check when it comes to gossip? We do what David did in Psalm 139:23 and do a daily heart-check with God. We allow Him to test us in order that we can see where we've allowed the gaps where the enemy can get inside.

I've yet to meet anyone who really likes tests. Even the best students get nervous at the prospect of a test. Medical tests can be painful and uncomfortable. But the bottom line is that tests always serve a purpose. They allow us to see our knowledge (or lack there of). They reveal a medical condition. Tests bring results. So while tests are not fun, they are necessary to learn, grow and for the good of our overall health. We must be willing to allow God to know and test our hearts.

For me personally, it's very important that I set guidelines for myself in order to keep my heart in check. If I find myself getting drawn into a conversation about someone else, I need to stop and ask myself, "What is the reason and motive behind this conversation?"
"Is this edifying in building someone up, or am I tearing someone down?"
"Is this something that I would say if the person were standing in front of me?"
"Is this really any of my business?"

I also have to remind myself that even saying nothing at all yet still listening is also taking part in gossip.

I've learned the hard way just how damaging gossip can be. I've been on both sides of gossip, as the gossiper and the gossipee, and both don't feel good and are incredibly damaging to a person's spirit. God has convicted me more than I'd like to admit about gossip and yet, If I'm not careful, I can easily find myself in the midst of gossip.

Lord, today I invite you to search my heart and test me when it comes to gossip. Help me to guard my heart and consider my motives when I speak of others. Amen

"First Day of School! First Day of School!"

Mason's all ready for Kindergarten!

I can hardly believe it, but I am now officially the mom of a Kindergartner! Yikes! How did five years go by that quickly? Mason had his first day of Kindergarten yesterday (and yes, we do year-round schools here) and he did, well, fantastic! I, on the other hand, took it a little harder.

I totally cried! (only in the car on the way there) He's my little guy. My buddy. He's Momma's Mason. But he was great! He gave me a kiss and said goodbye and that was it. He's so ready to be in school. He's Mr. Social, he's reading and loves to learn. So I begin to understand that he is God's first and I slowly let go of all the things I can't control and simply trust in a loving Lord who loves my son even more than I do.

Mason coming downstairs (with a huge smile) on his first day of school

Momma and Mason

Mason and Daddy

I have had the absolute privilege of being a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) with Mason and it has blessed my socks off. I've enjoyed every minute of being with him and watching him grow into such a beautiful, strong boy. As a mom, life happens so fast as you watch your little one get older. Even so, I still find myself asking,"Could I have done more? Savored more of the moments?"

And as absolutely blessed I know I am to be able to do this even once, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever do it again. I think that somewhere inside, I'm a little worried that I was careless at times thinking I'd have another child here with me by the time Mason went to school. I thought I'd have this one covered. It's just one more example of how our future is in God's hands and not our own.

So I embrace this new season of my life, even with all of its uncertainty. I treasure what's happening now with a hopeful expectation of what's to come.

God said No

By now, I should be in the heat of injectables and monitoring visits. I should be getting closer to the actual ER and then, the ET. I should be wigging out on hormones and stressing about dates and scheduling... but I'm not. Bob and I voluntarily cancelled our IVF cycle.

But why? The short and sweet answer: God said no. Of course, wrapped within that reality is a lot of emotion and questions that we may never fully know that answers to, but continue to have faith in the Lord and trust that He and He alone has this all figured out.

On Thursday, June 24th, Bob and I went to our IVF Nurse Education class as scheduled. But something felt, well, different. I didn't have the same joy and excitement of what we were embarking upon. I felt scared and stressed. I admit that both Bob and I weren't in the best of moods that day (just having "one of those days") and we hadn't even prayed together before we went to the appointment. And then beneath the voices of fear playing out in my head, there was a soft voice simply saying, "No." It wasn't screaming or yelling. It was calm and almost a whisper, but it was very clear, "This is not what I have planned for you." Once again, I tried to dismiss it as fear or the tension between Bob and I.

I got home and went directly to my bedroom and locked the door. I felt exhausted and defeated; I began to cry. I wondered why I was feeling like this. I knew what we were told by the doctors, that IVF was our last and only chance at conceiving again. I knew what we had gone through to save and move money from retirement to pay for IVF. I asked God, "But why?"

I sat down on my bed and opened my bible study to my newest chapter and began to read. Then two words jumped off the page: Radical Obedience. I began to sob. I knew then that God was confirming what the holy spirit was saying to me. He was asking me to give this up and to Him; completely. Period. I cried and argued with God, telling Him all the things I knew about where we've been over the last two years - losing Robert, unexplained secondary infertility, and no baby without IVF. But He knows all of this already. He knows where we've been, what He's asking us to do and where He wants to take us. He fully understands what a sacrifice this is for us. And He already knows the outcome. In my finite view, I can only see the now. But in His infinite wisdom, love and mercy, He knows my future.

Later that evening, I very nervously shared with Bob what I believe God was asking us to do. We talked and cried together. But ultimately, we both knew that we needed to cancel our IVF cycle. God also revealed some very important things to us as a couple and individually. We felt that God was saying that the desire to have another baby in and of itself is not wrong, but desiring it more than God IS. Solely desiring God more than anything else is what He is asking of us and we were allowing other things (even if they were good things) to get in the way of desiring Him first. God doesn't take second place. He wants top billing in our hearts or nothing at all. He wants Radical Obedience in all aspects of our lives, even (or maybe I should say, especially) when it makes no sense or it seems so contrary to what we should do.

So what now? We keep praying and keep trusting in Him and Him alone. We pray for guidance and continually listen for His voice. And, we wait. I don't know exactly where God is taking us, but I don't have to. And I have to admit, it's pretty exciting embarking on this new journey. Exciting to see what He'll bring our way. Exciting to stay in tune to the divine appointments that He brings across our paths everyday. Exciting to stay radically obedient.

Please continue to pray for Bob and I and for our family.