And the most Infertile Award goes to...

You're sitting in your fertility clinic. You pretend to be completely unaware of the other women sitting next to you. You act as though you have it all together and confident that your day is almost here. Ah, but secretly you're wondering, "What is she here for?" Okay, now before I go any further, you know you don't have to ask about "him" because it's most likely he's there for the same reason as your husband - giving a "sample" for one reason or another. Pretty routine, by now, and you don't think twice about it.

But what about her? Is she there for her first consult? Scared and unsure of what lies ahead? Is she meeting about her first brush with Clomid or Femara or moving right on to injectables? Is she being monitored for an IUI or IVF cycle? Does she feel as alone in this whole mess as you do? Does she feel like the silence in that waiting room is absolutely deafening? Is she looking at you wondering the exact same thing - will I ever have a baby?

Don't lie. You know you've done it. Compared yourself to someone else, that is. It's unavoidable and quite natural to compare ourselves, our lives, our situations to others. But what about our infertility? Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to another infertile? I have.

At the beginning, it was feeling guilty to express my hurt about my own infertility because I already have a child. I didn't want to seem selfish or ungrateful and therefore, I kept silent about the utter devastation that I was experiencing as a result of our diagnosis of unexplained secondary infertility. I lurked on blogs and message boards filled with women whose struggle with primary infertility seemed so much harder than my own. Their longing to have even one child quieted my feelings to have another.

As time has gone by, I've come to realize that my struggle with SIF is just as hard as someone struggling with PIF. The fact that I have SIF doesn't make my journey hurt any less. It doesn't make my IUI or IVF cycle any easier. It doesn't make my injections any less painful or a BFN any less devastating. Comparing and minimizing doesn't help. It only hurts and divides.

I remember going through many of the same feelings when Robert died. There were many friends who would say, "I've only had a miscarriage, so it wasn't as bad for me." Or even those who, although never said directly to my face, I did hear say things like, "Well my friend who was full-term had it so much harder then she did." Once again, comparing and minimizing hurt and pain and loss. What an absolute waste.

Over the last four months, I've had the privilege of moderating an Infertility Forum for TriangleMommies.com. I admit that going into it, I was quite trepidatious. I questioned whether I was the right one to moderate the forum. At that point, I'd only just begun to see my RE and hadn't even done my first IUI or any injections. I didn't feel infertile enough. I wondered what the women in the forum would think of me. Would those who'd been struggling longer or who had gone through more treatments turn up their noses at this newbie? But the fact is that what we all really need is support. Period. And if there's one thing that I love to do, it's to support others. I don't pretend to be the most knowledgeable, the most experienced, the most infertile. But I can be supportive. And by the way, all of the women have been great! I'm so thankful for the love and support that I've received from such wonderful, beautiful women.

We may all be on our own infertility journey, but it's nice to know that we're not alone.