Sometimes you just have to try harder

One of the most precious times of the day for me is the 15 or so minutes that I lay with Mason each night before he goes to bed. After the shower and teeth brushing, medicine taking and reading books time is done, we simply "relax" together (as Mason would call it) and it gives me a chance for Mommy and Mason time.

We talk about his day, the good and the bad. We pray together. We act silly and role-play with his stuffed animals. We just have time together; such precious time.

So a few evenings ago, I was caught off guard when Mason said, "Mommy, I don't think God likes me very much." Of course I replied with, "Why Mason, what would make you say that?" And what came next was enough to break a mom's heart. Mason continued, "I've been asking God for a brother or sister for a long time now and He still hasn't brought me one. He must not like me."

By this time, the tears were silently flowing as I held my sweet little guy in my arms even tighter than before. Of course, I told him that God not only likes him, but he loves him. And that fact that he still doesn't have a brother or sister here with him does not mean that God doesn't like him. I told him that he needs to keep praying and be patient for what God has for our family. "If I keep praying does it mean I'll get one?" He quietly asked. "Nope. It doesn't, " I reply. "It's important to be specific when we pray, but God is not a genie in a bottle," I explain. "Just because we ask, doesn't mean we're going to get it. If it brings glory to God and it's His plan for our family, then it will happen when it's supposed to happen."

I went on to tell him what a wonderful big brother that he's going to be and that I am so proud of him to be so honest with me and with God.

I told him that mommy and daddy wanted another baby, too, and that we were trying very hard to make that happen. To which Mason replied, "Well mommy, sometimes you just have to try harder!" Definitely brought a smile to my face. If he only knew just how hard we've tried and continue to try.

That answer seemed to satisfy and he went on to rattle off baby names that he likes, including Boo-boo bear and poopy baby (yeah, what can I say, he's 5 1/2).

It was then that I realized another unintended impact of infertility. Infertility doesn't just effect those who are infertile. Its reaches are far greater. There are grandchildless grandparents. There are onlies longing for the love and comfort of a sibling. There are friends who want to be good friends, but don't know how to announce their new pregnancy to you without devastating you. It's never just about the infertile.

So now I catch him periodically, quietly talking to God and continuing to ask for a brother and sister  (yes, he put in his order for both). The last time I asked him about it, he proceeded to tell me that God said he'd bring him a sister by Friday. If only it happened that quickly.