Living the life we were meant to live

I was catching up with a friend yesterday and she began to share about how she and her family were still commuting quite a distance to be a part of a new ministry and church plant. They had thought that they would have moved by now and lived closer to the new church, but due to life circumstances, a year had passed and they were still here and not there. Now this woman is very Godly and I know that both she and her husband completely trust in God's timing and provision for their family, but it really got me thinking about how much I find myself planning for an unknown future and not always living the life that God has for me now.

We all plan for the future. We put money away for retirement. We plan a vacation for next year. After all, planning is a biblical principal, so I'm not saying it's bad to plan. What I'm more concerned about is what we may be missing out on today because we're so focused on tomorrow. Yearning for what is to come, especially when we know that there are no guarantees, can lead to discontent of what we have now.

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:13-14 NIV)

I am so guilty of this. A lot of it has stemmed from the fact that I've been a SAHM for five years now. I've loved every minute of it, but there have been times when I have felt guilty for not working outside the home. Feeling like I'm not contributing to our family financially. Being discontent with my present circumstance and as a result, not fully allowing myself to enjoy what I'm doing right now. 

And then it was planning to grow our family. Obviously God had much different plans than we did. I still can't help of what my life would be like now if I had both my sons here with me. I had planned for a future that did not happen. And then we never could have planned for infertility. What we thought would be a few months to conceive again has turned into almost two years of negative pregnancy tests, failed treatments and disappointment. When women are TTC, they can't help but to think If I get pregnant this month, than I'll have a baby this month. Once again, there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not making you miss out on what's happening now. Because I can vouch for the fact that there are no guarantees about what the future will hold. But I'm confident in knowing that this time has not been wasted.  

Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." (NIV) I've definitely learned in my own life that there are seasons. Just because I'm doing something now does not mean that I will do it forever. But I do need to learn to love and embrace the season that I'm in, not always hoping for something different or new, or what I perceive to be better. I need to be content with each season that God has given me.

If I'd had it my way, I would not have been so open about going through a stillbirth or sharing the pain of infertility. I would have been more private. But I don't believe that we're meant to keep everything to ourselves. I felt very strongly that the Lord needed me to share my own struggles in order to connect and bring hope to others. It's not an easy thing to do. To put yourself out there. To be vulnerable. But in a strange way, being more open creates a deeper intimacy with God and with those around you. This is the season that God has given me. He's not expecting me to find a way out. He's asking that I accept where I am and learn what he needs me to learn in order to move on to my next season. He's asking that I rely on His timing instead of demanding mine. He's asking me to trust.

And seasons can be tough. No, they can be down right devastating. Some seasons can feel as though you'll never make it through. Sometimes it's all you can do to think beyond that season or you wonder if you'll even survive. But I believe that those are the ones that we should remember the most. The toughest seasons are the ones that help us to appreciate the good ones. The hardest seasons reveal God in such a way that we can't help but to be in awe of who He is. And even in the tough seasons, God will bring us joy. Because when we rely on Him for joy and not upon our circumstances, He will never let us down.