I can't put put my finger on it

I returned on Thursday evening from my trip to Uganda. Why is it then that I don't feel as though I've really returned? I keep telling myself that it's jet lag or just getting re acclimated after the trip, but it's definitely something more; I just can't seem to put my finger on it.

Everyone wants to know how it went. What did I see? What did I do? Expressing that they can't wait to see the photos. And of course, this is all great. But I know for sure that I'm still processing it all. That it's not merely a series of stories and that the photos can't possibly capture all that I'm feeling after traveling to Uganda. I can't seem to put my finger on it.

I know that this is where I live. That this is where my family and friends are. But why do I feel so out of place? As if my heart caught a glimpse of something more and keeps nagging at me, not allowing me forget what it saw and heard and felt.

My world is bigger now than my little town in North Carolina or than the United States. I've seen what's outside and now I'm obligated to do something about it. I can no longer claim ignorance or any other excuse. Because after all, that's what they are - excuses.

I can't ignore the fact that I've held and played with precious children with AIDS, orphaned by parents who've died of AIDS or Malaria or some other preventable disease. I can't pretend that I've never seen firsthand the distended bellies of starvation or the crying two-year old little girl that I gave my Luna bar to, her tears from an empty belly. There are no more excuses.

I kept a journal during my trip, just so I could remember what I was doing and where I was during each day. I'll begin to share a little bit each day, just so I can take my time to process it all and so I can share with everyone about my trip to Uganda. It's my trip through my eyes.

In conclusion today, I want to share a song with you that played on repeat in my head while I was in Africa. A few weeks before I left, I won tickets to see a concert with Matthew West, Josh Wilson and Jonny Diaz (I know, right? What an awesome line-up!) Matthew's newest single from his new album is called "My Own Little World" and the lyrics kept playing in my head while I was there. Beyond even my time there, how does it translate here back at home? God knows my heart and already knows how much I give, but can I be giving and doing more? I think I already know the answer to that question.