We all need training wheels

I've been so busy with the first few meetings of MOPS, getting ready for my trip to Africa and preparing ahead for October 15th Raleigh that I haven't been on mine or any other blogs in weeks.

October is here and in North Carolina, the first hints of fall have arrived. We woke up this morning in the 50's and I'm absolutely loving it! Fall is my favorite time of the year. Mason has been begging to take his training wheels of his bike so he can practice before we move to a "bigger boy" bike, and it's the perfect weekend to do so. Did I mention how much I love the fall!

Mason is a bit of a dare devil and has little fear, but it just hasn't felt right until now to take off the training wheels. We needed to know that he was ready. We didn't give Mason his first bike at 3 without training wheels because we knew he wasn't ready. He needed to practice, to get a feel for the ride. He needed to learn to peddle and turn and stop. It's all a process and had we taken the bike out of the box and simply said, "Ride!",  he would not have been ready. He needed to attain the experience and confidence that only time can build. In fact, pushing him too soon may have adversely effected his experience and confidence. Mason is now five. His balance is better now. He can stop on his own if needed. He's already fallen a few times and he knows the risks, but he's willing to try. And most importantly, he knows that Bob and I are still there with him if he needs us. After all, we're his parents and we love him and know what's best for him.

Aren't you glad that God is the same kind of loving parent to us? He loves us so much and knows what we need, when we need it. He gets us ready for what's ahead, for what we can't even see. But He sees it. We have this minute perspective on our lives, but he sees the big picture. We may be thinking, "But I want it right now!" or "Why do I have to struggle like this?" But all along, in ways we can't even fathom, He's preparing our hearts for what's ahead.

And His timing is perfect. In all His love and wisdom, He slowly prepares us for what's ahead, in ways we may not see until we're there. But there are no accidents. God doesn't screw up. He just needs us to trust that He has it under control. But I do have to warn you: It's going to be uncomfortable. We're going to be so tired that we can't possibly go any farther. We're going to fall and it's going to hurt. But then there He is, right beside us. Encouraging us. Holding us. Carrying us through. And even when we finally get that point where we say, "Okay, I CAN do this," we know that we don't do it alone, that we can't. That He's still there right beside us, loving and guiding us through it all. I guess we all need training wheels.

When I return from Africa, our family will begin the paperwork and home studies for adoption. We are not pulled one way or the other towards domestic vs. international adoption, but we have decided to begin with domestic infant adoption. Had you asked me (and I was asked, many times) two years or even one year ago if I was open to adoption, I would have said, "no" (and yes, to the countless conversations in the last two years, this had been my response). But what I know now is that I just wasn't ready. God needed to prepare me. He needed to prepare my heart, my mind and my soul for adoption. He needed me to be ready before He brought us to this place. He brought me through the utter devastation and heartache of losing a son to two years of infertility and failed fertility treatments in order to get me right to this place. Was it painful? You bet! Did I ask a whole lot of "why's?" Without a doubt! But is He faithful? Absolutely!

What I've come to discover is that I am not alone in this process. I have met and talked to countless women and families who have traveled similar journeys. That when you suffer from infertility and God closes that door, He very often opens the door of adoption. What a beautiful thing! It's not hopeless. He hears our cries and He loves us so much and loves orphans so much that He has a way to fulfill the promise of our family. He sees Mason's broken heart of so desperately wanting a little sister and He fills that desire.

Romans 8:15 (The Message) tells us, "You received God's spirit when He adopted you as His own children. Now we call Him, "Abba Father!"" 


If you have been born-again and asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior (these being the literal words of Jesus in John 3:7. And yes, He is the only way, John 14:6), then you are in fact adopted into the family of God! We are not born His children, but when we say "yes" to all that He has for us, He adopts us as His forever children. What a beautiful promise.

So, long story long, I'm grateful that God is so patient. I'm so grateful for His grace and His sovereignty. I'm so grateful that I don't have to do this on my own. I'm so very grateful for training wheels.