12 months and counting

We have now been TTC for a year. It sucks. As of now, it looks like it's unexplained infertility. So basically I can't get pregnant again and doctors can't tell me why. Brilliant! And to top it all off, I just learned that our new health insurance coverage does jack for infertility treatment (as opposed to my former insurance that covered much, much, much more). I keep telling myself that there's a reason for it all, that God's got it all under control. But I'm just sad. It all just doesn't make sense.

Please explain to me why some women who don't want to get pregnant do? Why some women who can barely take care of themselves pop out babies like bunnies? How drunk teens in the back of cars get knocked up? But for the life of me, I can't get pregnant!!!

Yes, I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I'm entitled to a bad day every now and then.

Sicky Sex

What happens when you know you're about to ovulate but you're sick as a dog with a head cold? Yes, folks, that would mean Sicky Sex!

I'm quite aware of how unappealing I am right now to Bob. My nose is stuffy, my eyes are puffy and I smell like an 80 year-old woman from the vapo-rub. Think Monica from that episode of Friends and you get the full picture.

But if you're TTC and especially if you're taking any fertility meds like I am, you completely understand about having to suck it up and do the deed, even if it means laying there like a dead fish because you're too achy to move.

Sorry Bob! I promise that I'll make it up to you!

Infertility Sucks

I know, not a real classy title, but it really does say it all.

I'm pretty darn sure that I'm out for another month, which means beginning our 11th cycle of TTC. If I had it my way, I'd probably just take a break until the beginning of next year, get through the holidays, etc. But my doctor highly recommends that we take advantage of the HSG and the increased fertility rates within the first three months of the procedure. So, it's on to Femara CD3-7 and a consult with a reproductive endocrinologist at Carolina Conceptions (which I'm really looking forward to - NOT!) I mean, I know that there are wonderful doctors and intervention for people who need help with infertility; I just never thought I'd be one of those people who needed it.

I hit some real lows this cycle. I hate the roller coaster of emotions that I go through every month. The hormones, the anticipation and the disappointment. It can really start to wear on you (and on everyone around you!)

I'm ready for a miracle.

All Systems Clear!

I finally had my HSG procedure on Monday and besides the long wait before the test, it went very well.

Here's what my morning entailed... I was asked to remove all clothing change into a gown and booties. I had to lay on a very cold table and scoot down like I was having a Pap, but no stirrups. The x-ray tech first took an initial shot of my anatomy and then asked basic questions, including my fertility history (in a nutshell), mostly to see if I'd had any infections that I knew of in the past. Next, the doctor came in to administer the HSG. She inserted a catheter into my uterus and up to where my fallopian tubes are (it was wild and a little creepy to watch it all happening on the x-ray screen). She "ballooned" the catheter slightly and then pushed dye through the catheter. It flowed up into my uterus and through the fallopian tubes. It then spilled out through the fallopian tubes, showing that I have no blockage, which is VERY good news! It did take a little longer to spill on my left side and I had more cramping on this side, but other than that, it was a fairly simple procedure. The dr. took several shots of everything and went over all the photos with Bob and I after she was done. The test was considered normal.

I had some cramping that afternoon and into the evening and discharge, but nothing that couldn't be helped with a few Motrin and a heating pad.

The good news is that for those who have no blockage, there are very good pregnancy rates after an HSG. It may be enough to just "clear the cobwebs," hopefully making conditions more favorable for pregnancy. I'm still holding out hope that September is our month.

The procedure I've been waiting for

I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because there was nothing new in the TTC department. I had a ridiculously long cycle last month (at least for me) and AF came 9 days late. Absolute torture! There's nothing like having an extra long cycle with no BFP to send you over the edge.

On Monday, I will finally have my Hystersalpingogram or HSG. This procedure will tell us if I have any sort of blockage in my fallopian tubes, which would be preventing me from becoming pregnant. Over and over again, I keep hearing how positive this procedure can be when there is a slight blockage, only because the actual test can be enough to "push out" any obstructions. Although an HSG is not a treatment itself, there is an increase in pregnancy in some women in the three months following an HSG.

Through testing both Bob and I, we know that we are both fertile, so a blockage just may be what is keeping us from getting pregnant again. And if it's not, than we'll move on to the next step of setting up a consultation with Carolina Conceptions. Although I'm praying hard that this is all it takes, it's a comfort to know that we always have a next step.

Please keep in your prayers on Monday, August 31st at 11:00 am. Please pray that His will be done and that this procedure will get us one step closer to our new baby.

More Waiting

I'm still waiting for AF to arrive (hopefully this weekend) so I can schedule my HSG test for CD8. This has probably been one of the most tolerable months as far as waiting is concerned because I know that there is a next step and it's not that invasive (say, as opposed to having an IUI or IVF). I don't know if I even have a blockage or if I do, if this will help. But I have to remain hopeful that this is at least leading us in the right direction. I really have a lot of peace about whatever happens at this point. I know that I'm doing what I can and leaving the rest to God.

The Next Step

I'm mid-cycle, month three of Clomid and thankfully, my last month. No, I'm not pregnant (yet), but it's pretty clear now that lack of ovulation is not the issue. I had my progesterone checked for the last few months and I'm clearly ovulating, so there's no good reason for me to continue on Clomid. I know that Clomid has helped many women to become pregnant, but it's made me crazy! I've been hyper-hormonal and it gave me some serious insomnia, not to mention the nasty hot flashes. I'm truly thankful to be moving on.

So, what's next? Well, Bob was "checked" a few weeks ago and everything is great with him. Let's just say that he has more than enough swimmers with the speed of Michael Phelps. And yes, he's allowed to ride his bike again. My doctor believes that I may have some blockage in my fallopian tubes, either due to a mucus plug or from scar tissue and infection from my last pregnancy. On CD1 I'll schedule a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test for CD8. This test and x-ray will flush out my fallopian tubes, and hopefully unplug whatever's blocked. There's often a very good chance of becoming pregnant right after an HSG, so we're hopeful that this is what will help us to finally become pregnant. And if not, well, then God will provide the next step.

Praying that August will be our month.